I have recently spent a lot of hours over the course of 5 months working on a political campaign for a friend of mine who I believe will make a fantastic government leader if he is elected next Tuesday. I have always believed in the value of responsible citizens being involved in the American political process. As a youngster growing up in a homeschooler family in the 1980s and early 90s I saw the difference that can be made by activism and purposeful involvement. Through political leadership by countless homeschoolers and their supporters laws were changed, lives were changed and I believe America is better because of it. I do see it as the responsibility of every citizen and especially every Christian to be aware and involved in the governance of our country. Yet, I see around me a different America than has existed in the past. As I go door to door spreading the word about a visionary candidate I see a variety of types of people. I am sad to admit that many of them are simply different types of apathetic. I have seen a few motivated and interested people, but too few for America to claim, any longer, to be a healthy, vibrant democracy. However, these thoughts I am writing are not about America. At least not directly.
Rather, as I think about the government and apathy I can’t help making a mental transition to the church and apathy. Then I find myself asking a strange question. Could good government and religious freedom actually be bad for the church? Just as I believe our great political system has lulled many Americans into a lazy, comfortable cocoon of self-focused existence, perhaps our great political system has done the same thing to the members of Christ’s body living within it. A recent sermon I heard brought into focus for me the idea that in many cases the power of a Christian’s witness is directly correlated to their proximity to the threat of impending death. Basically, the more likely someone is to be martyred for their faith, or even to die in a different way, the stronger their witness for Christ can be. The Christian’s power comes from their lack of fear in the face of death. Death, as the end of our earthly life, is something most people spend their entire life trying to escape. To see a person unafraid in its very presence is astounding, unforgettable, inspiring.
The problem is that here in America, thanks to our great political system, Christians have not spent much time close enough to death to be such powerful witnesses. I won’t go into the differences between the church here in the states vs. the church in China or other countries where active persecution exists. I don’t think I need to. All we need to do is read the stories in Acts, in Revelation, and perhaps Hebrews 11 to see that America’s church does not present to the world the same kind of spiritual power that existed when the first century church was enduring persecution, and yet growing by leaps and bounds at the same time. I believe we in the American churches, like the American voters, are also apathetic. We seek first the kingdom of the American Dream, and hope that all the things we want will be added unto us. Sure we believe in God and want to go to heaven some day, but when God investigates the true motives of most hearts sitting in church pews, I doubt He finds too many that burn brightly enough with the fire of His Spirit to light the world on fire. I doubt this because the world is not yet burning with the passion for God that would be set free through the surrender of such hearts to His will.
It seems that a lazy church is brought about by a lack of difficulty, a lack of persecution, and a glut of things and possessions which lead us down a path different from that which is marked by the nail scarred footprints. Between the footprints on this pathway there are also other things; things which bear names like surrender, giving, testing, persecution. Yet that is not all! I hear its travelers experience unending gifts of eternal peace, love, and life in addition to the trials. Too few follow this path, though, for we are too happy in our own little worlds.
Fortunately, God is not happy with us in our own little worlds. I recently read Gene Edwards book, The Divine Romance, which illustrates powerfully, among other things, the lengths to which God will go to pursue His bride, His church. The prophets spoke of this passion, God the Father told of this passion through His acts of creation, through His acts of love and even His acts of vengeance, and then Jesus acted on this passion, pouring it out with His very life for us. Until we learn to pour out our lives for Him in response, I believe God will keep acting on His love, whether we like it or not. Why would we not like it? Because sometimes the love of God pushes us to give up the path of our choosing and seek the one He made us for. Sometimes this pushing hurts. I believe the church in America needs to be hurt. I can’t say I am praying for God to bring us persecution, but I fear that may be His only recourse to wake us up. My prayer is yet that He would find a way to light the fire in hearts without the pain of suffering for our faith. My hope is that it is still a productive activity to involve ourselves in government and seek to make our country better. I hope we may yet open our hearts to His flame, and enlivened by His power abandon the apathy that plagues our land. The reality is that the flame is coming. The only question is whether we give ourselves to its power and let God revive our hearts or whether we resist the flame until we are consumed by it. Either way we die. One way we receive back life again; life everlasting. May we choose wisely.
In Truth,
Stephen
Friday, October 29, 2010
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Advice from an apostle...building on the Rock
It comes as no surprise that any process of spiritual growth starts with faith. Faith must come first for we are saved by faith. We are not saved by any process, work, activity or goodness. It is simply through true, honest faith in Jesus Christ as our Lord. However, our spiritual growth after salvation is often comparable to a house whose foundation has been laid. We have had a bunch of dirt and junk dug out of us and a true, strong foundation laid, which foundation is Christ in us. Paul even uses this metaphor in 1 Corinthians 3 to illustrate how we are responsible to build on the foundation Christ puts in our lives through His work of grace. We do have a responsibility to work with the gifts God gives us, to act and obey, to build on the foundation. That is what Peter tells us here, he says to add to your faith moral excellence. The step which best follows our surrender to Christ’s Lordship is clearly to begin lining up the motivations, attitudes and actions of our lives with His values. This will mean some changes in the why and the what we do in our daily lives. These changes are not “works salvation” but simply the next step in the construction process. God will begin to convict us and lead us into the image of Christ. I suppose for some this may be a quick process, I don’t know; but it certainly wasn’t for me. I concur with Paul’s complaints about the difficulty of lining up his actions with the desires of the Holy Spirit who was working within him to change his desires to fit his Lord’s. Our natural course is to follow the desires of our sinful nature, usually just the opposite of God’s choice. The journey to change has indeed been a long process for me, and one which is far from over. The Lord works in me like a master craftsman shaping the details of the structure upon the foundation of Christ. He encourages me to choose and step out in obedience, not to shrink back in fear. I know that I am not capable on my own, none of us are, yet that is not to make us slothful in simply ‘waiting on the Lord to guide us’. Peter encourages us here to act, to add, to add, to add, to continue acting, to do something ourselves. This is important, for though it is through Christ that we get the power, still we must take proactive steps ourselves. The first and perhaps only proactive step necessary or dare I say possible, is obedience.
After moral excellence in this list comes knowledge. We are urged to add knowledge to our moral excellence. Now I am a firm believer in the simplicity of the gospel and of our need to be like children in our faith, but I am also aware of the power we receive by knowledge. We should seek to have our eyes open til we can see and understand the true nature of the reality of this world we live in. This type of knowledge comes only through study and the learning of details beyond the simple faith and moral goodness of popular Christianity. As we look deeper into Christ’s parables, for example, we learn how the kingdom of God works and apply the truth to our lives. Another illustration of the importance of knowledge for me personally is the understanding God is giving me through studying about the image of God in humanity. I want to understand what it means for us to live out his likeness in our world today. Or, knowledge can even come from study in school, as unbelievable as that may be :) I was blessed deeply a couple years ago in Christian Theology class studying the academic understanding of the nature of God Himself. All these are simply examples that occur to me to illustrate the value of knowledge to the Christian. Paul urges us to seek the meat of the word, not the milk only. We are to search for knowledge.
Of course the caution in all this is the reminder that knowledge puffs up and creates prideful people apart from humility and love. Worldly knowledge is diametrically opposed to the knowledge of God, so we must use discernment when choosing where and what we search for, but search we must if we wish to continue the growth process. They say that knowledge is power, and through knowledge of Truth we truly do gain spiritual power to overcome and live victoriously. More on this later.
The next step is self control. I wonder sometimes what caused Peter to put these in the particular order he did. I almost think I would have put this one earlier, perhaps paired beside moral excellence. They seem to go together well, but for some reason Peter didn’t ask me. Perhaps he knew that until we have developed a knowledge base to inform our theology and our worldview we could be in danger from too much focus on morality. With self control can come legalism, criticism and judgment. Could it be that people focusing solely on morality and self control without a deeper knowledge of how our lives are supposed to work, they could easily become caught in a trap of pharisaism? Besides that, it may be here that we apply the knowledge in another way. It is through the knowledge we gain from studying spiritual warfare, for example, that we are empowered to overcome temptations and to live victoriously over sloth and any bad habit that opposes self control. Perhaps that is why Peter put self control in the list where he did. Certainly it is something we cannot neglect, else we live like yo-yo Christians, sin and repent, sin and repent, time after time without any true change. We must build up our habits just like supports within a house to keep everything up, or the walls will fall every time we prop them up again with good intentions.
So knowledge leads us into self control, and Peter says we must continue in perseverance. It would not work to build and support one wall of the house and stop. A persevering builder will keep on keepin’ on and git–r-done. Perseverance is continuing when all the world tells you “hey by the way, nobody uses those old outdated foundations anymore”. Perseverance is going on when your generator power goes out, when your subcontractor steals your supplies, your hammer arm feels like it’s been run over by the cement truck and the government raises your property taxes through the roof. Literally. Or something like that. We must not grow tired of doing good, but persevere in the process of growth, of moral excellence, knowledge and self control, all infused with divine power by our faith in our foundation.
In our perseverance we are told to add godliness. Now, I tend to think that if anyone can do the first few steps in this process, they must have already achieved a level of godliness so far beyond my scope that it would be like the Empire State Building compared to my little house I think I am building. Nonetheless, the list goes on. My uncertainty about this step in Peter’s process tells me I must not have reached this point yet, but here are a few thoughts that occur to me. As these are simply my thoughts, who know how close they lie to reality, but I try to think, what could change to make a person more godly at this point in the growth process? In what other way is God different from humanity that we must change to be more like Him? Moving beyond personal goodness, I see the other completely un-human thing about God is His care for others. He is focused on the well being of us humans, rather than on ease or enjoyment for Himself. Up to this point in the process, everything we are told to work on relates only to ourselves and our choices. We believe in Christ, we try to please Him in our actions and our desires; we try to control ourselves and persevere. Here perhaps, God wishes to change our focus outward to help others also become like Him. I notice that every one of the rest of the following steps in this process relate to other people, not to our self only. Perhaps there comes a point at which God has developed our actions and thoughts to the level that we see the world to some extent as if through His eyes. Then we can begin to know how to invest in other people around us. In fact, the next step in our growth process is brotherly kindness, the treating of everyone around us as family. Now in reality Christians ARE our family and even more, they are parts of our very own body if we are truly part of the body of Christ. Knowing this, I am astounded by the unbelievable level of segregation and criticism and general dysfunction within the church. We aren’t just speaking of a house divided, but of a body whose limbs and organs are seeking to perform completely different and often counter-productive and self destructive goals. I never wish to meet a person whose physical body functions as poorly as much of the body of Christ does today.
We are urged elsewhere in Scripture to rather treat others with love “especially those of the household of faith”. In addition, since we are taught to love everyone, including our enemies, we know that this idea should carry over to those who are not Christians and even those who are directly opposed to us. Love is, in fact the next and final point in Peter’s process here. Love moves beyond merely treating others like family, for it is the most important and fundamental thing according to Paul in 1 Corinthians 13, where he ranks love even higher than the very faith that began this whole journey.
The reason, perhaps, is that love is truly the deepest motivation for all the good that has, will, is, or can take place. It was God’s desire to share His love that brought about our creation, and love of course, was the motive for our salvation and is the most profound level of our growth. Love is more than selflessness, love is more than action, it is more than giving up for others. Love is a heart-level choice, powered by our will. It is deeper than the mind, much deeper than emotion. It is a value choice to put another individual in the place of self. With love, our innate instinct for self preservation begins to vanish, replaced by a powerful drive for His glorification. There is no need, and we have no ability, to preserve or protect the person or safety of God as we desire to do for our own. Our responsibility is for His name. Our life becomes a sacrifice poured out to bolster His reputation. That is the choice that empowers our drive to love other people. It matters not whether they deserve love, return our love, or even know we exist. We are to love them regardless. Now we make the same choice for other people that we made in regards to God. Their well-being becomes more important to us than our own. Of course, remember that it is their well-being we seek, not whatever they may want from us or expect us to do or not to do. There is a reality in tough love that is true. At times the most loving thing we can do for a person is the very thing they don’t want. The motivation is key, for love is a will level motivation. When making difficult relational decisions, those inspired by love are never at the same time driven by spite, self interest, ego or any other sinful desire. This is; of course, completely foreign to any natural human motivation, but that is truly the point. If we submit to God’s process of spiritual growth I believe the love of Christ truly will compel us to love others, to glorify God and live as He desires. Peter put it this way: For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
That is a goal I am willing to work for
What about you?
In Truth,
Stephen
After moral excellence in this list comes knowledge. We are urged to add knowledge to our moral excellence. Now I am a firm believer in the simplicity of the gospel and of our need to be like children in our faith, but I am also aware of the power we receive by knowledge. We should seek to have our eyes open til we can see and understand the true nature of the reality of this world we live in. This type of knowledge comes only through study and the learning of details beyond the simple faith and moral goodness of popular Christianity. As we look deeper into Christ’s parables, for example, we learn how the kingdom of God works and apply the truth to our lives. Another illustration of the importance of knowledge for me personally is the understanding God is giving me through studying about the image of God in humanity. I want to understand what it means for us to live out his likeness in our world today. Or, knowledge can even come from study in school, as unbelievable as that may be :) I was blessed deeply a couple years ago in Christian Theology class studying the academic understanding of the nature of God Himself. All these are simply examples that occur to me to illustrate the value of knowledge to the Christian. Paul urges us to seek the meat of the word, not the milk only. We are to search for knowledge.
Of course the caution in all this is the reminder that knowledge puffs up and creates prideful people apart from humility and love. Worldly knowledge is diametrically opposed to the knowledge of God, so we must use discernment when choosing where and what we search for, but search we must if we wish to continue the growth process. They say that knowledge is power, and through knowledge of Truth we truly do gain spiritual power to overcome and live victoriously. More on this later.
The next step is self control. I wonder sometimes what caused Peter to put these in the particular order he did. I almost think I would have put this one earlier, perhaps paired beside moral excellence. They seem to go together well, but for some reason Peter didn’t ask me. Perhaps he knew that until we have developed a knowledge base to inform our theology and our worldview we could be in danger from too much focus on morality. With self control can come legalism, criticism and judgment. Could it be that people focusing solely on morality and self control without a deeper knowledge of how our lives are supposed to work, they could easily become caught in a trap of pharisaism? Besides that, it may be here that we apply the knowledge in another way. It is through the knowledge we gain from studying spiritual warfare, for example, that we are empowered to overcome temptations and to live victoriously over sloth and any bad habit that opposes self control. Perhaps that is why Peter put self control in the list where he did. Certainly it is something we cannot neglect, else we live like yo-yo Christians, sin and repent, sin and repent, time after time without any true change. We must build up our habits just like supports within a house to keep everything up, or the walls will fall every time we prop them up again with good intentions.
So knowledge leads us into self control, and Peter says we must continue in perseverance. It would not work to build and support one wall of the house and stop. A persevering builder will keep on keepin’ on and git–r-done. Perseverance is continuing when all the world tells you “hey by the way, nobody uses those old outdated foundations anymore”. Perseverance is going on when your generator power goes out, when your subcontractor steals your supplies, your hammer arm feels like it’s been run over by the cement truck and the government raises your property taxes through the roof. Literally. Or something like that. We must not grow tired of doing good, but persevere in the process of growth, of moral excellence, knowledge and self control, all infused with divine power by our faith in our foundation.
In our perseverance we are told to add godliness. Now, I tend to think that if anyone can do the first few steps in this process, they must have already achieved a level of godliness so far beyond my scope that it would be like the Empire State Building compared to my little house I think I am building. Nonetheless, the list goes on. My uncertainty about this step in Peter’s process tells me I must not have reached this point yet, but here are a few thoughts that occur to me. As these are simply my thoughts, who know how close they lie to reality, but I try to think, what could change to make a person more godly at this point in the growth process? In what other way is God different from humanity that we must change to be more like Him? Moving beyond personal goodness, I see the other completely un-human thing about God is His care for others. He is focused on the well being of us humans, rather than on ease or enjoyment for Himself. Up to this point in the process, everything we are told to work on relates only to ourselves and our choices. We believe in Christ, we try to please Him in our actions and our desires; we try to control ourselves and persevere. Here perhaps, God wishes to change our focus outward to help others also become like Him. I notice that every one of the rest of the following steps in this process relate to other people, not to our self only. Perhaps there comes a point at which God has developed our actions and thoughts to the level that we see the world to some extent as if through His eyes. Then we can begin to know how to invest in other people around us. In fact, the next step in our growth process is brotherly kindness, the treating of everyone around us as family. Now in reality Christians ARE our family and even more, they are parts of our very own body if we are truly part of the body of Christ. Knowing this, I am astounded by the unbelievable level of segregation and criticism and general dysfunction within the church. We aren’t just speaking of a house divided, but of a body whose limbs and organs are seeking to perform completely different and often counter-productive and self destructive goals. I never wish to meet a person whose physical body functions as poorly as much of the body of Christ does today.
We are urged elsewhere in Scripture to rather treat others with love “especially those of the household of faith”. In addition, since we are taught to love everyone, including our enemies, we know that this idea should carry over to those who are not Christians and even those who are directly opposed to us. Love is, in fact the next and final point in Peter’s process here. Love moves beyond merely treating others like family, for it is the most important and fundamental thing according to Paul in 1 Corinthians 13, where he ranks love even higher than the very faith that began this whole journey.
The reason, perhaps, is that love is truly the deepest motivation for all the good that has, will, is, or can take place. It was God’s desire to share His love that brought about our creation, and love of course, was the motive for our salvation and is the most profound level of our growth. Love is more than selflessness, love is more than action, it is more than giving up for others. Love is a heart-level choice, powered by our will. It is deeper than the mind, much deeper than emotion. It is a value choice to put another individual in the place of self. With love, our innate instinct for self preservation begins to vanish, replaced by a powerful drive for His glorification. There is no need, and we have no ability, to preserve or protect the person or safety of God as we desire to do for our own. Our responsibility is for His name. Our life becomes a sacrifice poured out to bolster His reputation. That is the choice that empowers our drive to love other people. It matters not whether they deserve love, return our love, or even know we exist. We are to love them regardless. Now we make the same choice for other people that we made in regards to God. Their well-being becomes more important to us than our own. Of course, remember that it is their well-being we seek, not whatever they may want from us or expect us to do or not to do. There is a reality in tough love that is true. At times the most loving thing we can do for a person is the very thing they don’t want. The motivation is key, for love is a will level motivation. When making difficult relational decisions, those inspired by love are never at the same time driven by spite, self interest, ego or any other sinful desire. This is; of course, completely foreign to any natural human motivation, but that is truly the point. If we submit to God’s process of spiritual growth I believe the love of Christ truly will compel us to love others, to glorify God and live as He desires. Peter put it this way: For if these qualities are yours and are increasing, they render you neither useless nor unfruitful in the true knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.
That is a goal I am willing to work for
What about you?
In Truth,
Stephen
Saturday, September 19, 2009
The Risk of Reality
I have been reading 1 Corinthians 12 where Paul discusses how the church is the body of Christ. I see in this chapter and in other places in Paul’s writings (like Romans 12) a picture of healthy relationships. When I read words like “so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other.” And “If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.” I begin to get excited. I will admit to being a dreamer and an optimist but I can’t help but think how awesome a truly selfless Christian community might be. Now, when the rubber hit the road I am most certainly too selfish to actually enjoy living in such a place even if I had the opportunity, but I like the idea anyway. What if we truly put Christ’s goals (as he is the head of the body) above our own, and learned to think like He does? What if the mental transformation spoken of in Romans 12:2 permitted individual Christians like me to begin to make decisions based on the mission of Christ and based on love for others rather than self interest? Our minds would be the first to change, I assume, but after we began to make decisions based on Jesus’ wishes, perhaps even our hearts would begin to change too, until eventually we might not simply conform our ultimate decisions to His will but our very emotions as well. Our natural desire for attention and personal gratification could begin to become an honest (not a fake) preference for the happiness or the good for other people around us.
Would Christ’s body then truly begin to be “known by our love”? I can only imagine the glory Christ would gain if we truly lived out this vision we have received. Church members would be known as giving people…and I don’t speak of money. Church members could be known as caring people, not as hypocritical people. How awesome would that be? What if the emotional needs of other people became high priorities for us? We might set aside our own agendas and reach out to the weak, the fearful, the wounded, both inside and outside the church body. Yes, there are hurting people inside the church, no matter how much we may try to hide it and put our best foot forward. A body helps the sick cells, the wounded member. We are to have “equal concern for each other” and to “suffer with those who suffer”.
I say that it is time to put aside the myth that becoming a Christian fixes all our difficulties. It does not normally immediately reverse and restore all problems we have and all hurts we have experienced, past and future. God does not call us into the church to escape pain in the world, nor does He promise us perfect lives. Why then, would we pretend to have such lives? Why do church members hide their problems and put on a front of shallow happiness? God did not call us to such a life, but to a real life. Bodies that live in the real world do get hurt. We get scratched on a thorn bush, or we get poison ivy. We break an arm in a car wreck or get shot and paralyzed from the waist down. That is real life for a real person with a real body. Jesus lives such a life. His body is not free from wounds; his life was full of pain and suffering.
The difference is what we do with our hurts. The world tells us to hide them, to pretend to be whole. We know that only the fittest survive, so we want to be perfect. What does Jesus do when He is weak? When He is tired? When He is being tortured? He heals people. He speaks the Truth to them, sets them free. He prays that their sins be forgiven.
Jesus is our role model, folks.
If we, as members of His body, are in community with each other putting the needs of those around us first, no one gets left out. Instead of hiding our pain and getting on as best we can we learn to be honest, to admit that we are wounded and let other people help us heal. Then we also reach out to them to help them heal. We can’t do it alone. A broken arm can’t heal itself. It must be connected to the heart, to the nervous system and the other organs, controlled by the brain.
Sometimes I wonder why God does not simply do everything Himself. Why does he leave it up to us when we are so incapable? Perhaps it is because He is willing to risk the possibility of pain for the immense joy of real life experienced in community with other loving hearts. Just as a brain cannot do everything itself in a physical body, so God limits himself in order to allow us as members of His body to experience real life ourselves…if we are willing to risk it.
In Truth,
Stephen
Would Christ’s body then truly begin to be “known by our love”? I can only imagine the glory Christ would gain if we truly lived out this vision we have received. Church members would be known as giving people…and I don’t speak of money. Church members could be known as caring people, not as hypocritical people. How awesome would that be? What if the emotional needs of other people became high priorities for us? We might set aside our own agendas and reach out to the weak, the fearful, the wounded, both inside and outside the church body. Yes, there are hurting people inside the church, no matter how much we may try to hide it and put our best foot forward. A body helps the sick cells, the wounded member. We are to have “equal concern for each other” and to “suffer with those who suffer”.
I say that it is time to put aside the myth that becoming a Christian fixes all our difficulties. It does not normally immediately reverse and restore all problems we have and all hurts we have experienced, past and future. God does not call us into the church to escape pain in the world, nor does He promise us perfect lives. Why then, would we pretend to have such lives? Why do church members hide their problems and put on a front of shallow happiness? God did not call us to such a life, but to a real life. Bodies that live in the real world do get hurt. We get scratched on a thorn bush, or we get poison ivy. We break an arm in a car wreck or get shot and paralyzed from the waist down. That is real life for a real person with a real body. Jesus lives such a life. His body is not free from wounds; his life was full of pain and suffering.
The difference is what we do with our hurts. The world tells us to hide them, to pretend to be whole. We know that only the fittest survive, so we want to be perfect. What does Jesus do when He is weak? When He is tired? When He is being tortured? He heals people. He speaks the Truth to them, sets them free. He prays that their sins be forgiven.
Jesus is our role model, folks.
If we, as members of His body, are in community with each other putting the needs of those around us first, no one gets left out. Instead of hiding our pain and getting on as best we can we learn to be honest, to admit that we are wounded and let other people help us heal. Then we also reach out to them to help them heal. We can’t do it alone. A broken arm can’t heal itself. It must be connected to the heart, to the nervous system and the other organs, controlled by the brain.
Sometimes I wonder why God does not simply do everything Himself. Why does he leave it up to us when we are so incapable? Perhaps it is because He is willing to risk the possibility of pain for the immense joy of real life experienced in community with other loving hearts. Just as a brain cannot do everything itself in a physical body, so God limits himself in order to allow us as members of His body to experience real life ourselves…if we are willing to risk it.
In Truth,
Stephen
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
Not built to be broken
Perhaps you also have noticed that our world is a little messed up. Life is hard. We all go through pain in life and it often seems like it comes both earlier AND later. Though we see this daily in front of us it is hard for us to simply accept that pain and suffering is reality. To quote a friend of mine named Brittany, we were not built to be broken. The human spirit was made for better than what we see each day on the street corner, in the office cubicle, the classroom, the living room, anywhere. Somehow we know this. Within each person is sparking a light that lives on, even through unimaginable pain and heart-wrenching anguish of soul. We feel that there could be more; that this world should be more, that our lives mean more than simply coping with self esteem and tough decisions and living through chaos and rejection. So the real question is: What does all this have to do with this blog?
How astute you are, I am glad you asked :)
I believe our world WAS built for better. We are living on a crippled planet, raised in broken families, living lives assailed by the same enemy who introduced the broken-ness into our world. It was not intended that way, it has been changed. Never forget that though now broken, it was all once whole and beautiful. We really need no reminding that though once created whole and beautiful; it is all now tragically broken. Most probably, you have been aware of this for years. Broken nature, broken humanity, broken families, broken humans. Very few people are blessed to grow up in a home with two parents who stick together through it all and seek to raise their children with love. Even fewer of these truly experience the real and immense blessing of growing up in a family that works like it is supposed to, nurturing children in the right direction, helping them become responsible, confident, godly adults. If you are one of these very few, praise God! I cannot say that I am. Now, I am blessed by God in many ways, and I love my parents dearly. I am very grateful both to them and to God for all they did for me, especially my mother. I do not know what I would have done without her. Even more so I am grateful to God for His loving care for me just as is mentioned in Psalm 68:5.
God has indeed been calling me down a path for several years now, a path of discovery. He has taken my hand and led me and taught me as much as I have been willing to learn. He has loved, forgiven, empowered, inspired and loved some more. And forgiven some more, too. I cannot begin to thank Him enough, knowing how little I deserved any of this and knowing in ugly detail how far down He had to reach at times, to keep helping me along.
To prevent this from becoming too long, I will try to get immediately to, if not THE point, then at least to A point. God has taught me that healing and wholeness come from community and openness. It all began with confessing a few petty sins I had on my conscience back when I was 14. God has since continued to push me toward openness about my struggles or my ideas. I believe we are built for community, to talk and laugh and cry and breathe together with other people by our side. Not alone. Not hidden. That is the way for me to return as closely as possible to the original wholeness and beauty of life. It is about reconnecting with God first, allowing Him to restore the relationship He intended with me and going from there. Growing from there. So, here I am now, writing on the www about what I think, what I feel, what I struggle. Here goes. I do hope you will make comments as we go along, I don’t want to be doing this all alone.
Sometimes I will be posting stories about lessons God has taught or is teaching me. Sometimes I may review books that have helped me grow, or interview friends who have meant a lot to me. This is an attempt at an open, honest, journey to a whole, Christ-centered life. Perhaps you are on such a journey yourself…perhaps you are ready to consider beginning? I hope so, and so does someone else whose opinion matters much more than mine :)
In Truth,
Stephen
How astute you are, I am glad you asked :)
I believe our world WAS built for better. We are living on a crippled planet, raised in broken families, living lives assailed by the same enemy who introduced the broken-ness into our world. It was not intended that way, it has been changed. Never forget that though now broken, it was all once whole and beautiful. We really need no reminding that though once created whole and beautiful; it is all now tragically broken. Most probably, you have been aware of this for years. Broken nature, broken humanity, broken families, broken humans. Very few people are blessed to grow up in a home with two parents who stick together through it all and seek to raise their children with love. Even fewer of these truly experience the real and immense blessing of growing up in a family that works like it is supposed to, nurturing children in the right direction, helping them become responsible, confident, godly adults. If you are one of these very few, praise God! I cannot say that I am. Now, I am blessed by God in many ways, and I love my parents dearly. I am very grateful both to them and to God for all they did for me, especially my mother. I do not know what I would have done without her. Even more so I am grateful to God for His loving care for me just as is mentioned in Psalm 68:5.
God has indeed been calling me down a path for several years now, a path of discovery. He has taken my hand and led me and taught me as much as I have been willing to learn. He has loved, forgiven, empowered, inspired and loved some more. And forgiven some more, too. I cannot begin to thank Him enough, knowing how little I deserved any of this and knowing in ugly detail how far down He had to reach at times, to keep helping me along.
To prevent this from becoming too long, I will try to get immediately to, if not THE point, then at least to A point. God has taught me that healing and wholeness come from community and openness. It all began with confessing a few petty sins I had on my conscience back when I was 14. God has since continued to push me toward openness about my struggles or my ideas. I believe we are built for community, to talk and laugh and cry and breathe together with other people by our side. Not alone. Not hidden. That is the way for me to return as closely as possible to the original wholeness and beauty of life. It is about reconnecting with God first, allowing Him to restore the relationship He intended with me and going from there. Growing from there. So, here I am now, writing on the www about what I think, what I feel, what I struggle. Here goes. I do hope you will make comments as we go along, I don’t want to be doing this all alone.
Sometimes I will be posting stories about lessons God has taught or is teaching me. Sometimes I may review books that have helped me grow, or interview friends who have meant a lot to me. This is an attempt at an open, honest, journey to a whole, Christ-centered life. Perhaps you are on such a journey yourself…perhaps you are ready to consider beginning? I hope so, and so does someone else whose opinion matters much more than mine :)
In Truth,
Stephen
Sunday, July 26, 2009
My Fair Share of Mercy
I got to thinking about mercy the other day. Mercy is God NOT being fair to me. Seriously, If God were fair I would be in so much trouble. The evil that is in my heart is so great that fairness from God would include only separation and pain for me. His mercy is what allows me to even speak to him, to even ask Him for more mercy, to even be alive. So I just became aware the other day of how much mercy I 'use up'. Anyway, I began thanking God for His mercy and I commented that I was using more than my share of His mercy. He just keeps showing mercy no matter how many times I disobey or forget about living my life for Him. Well, He put me straight by reminding me that there is no such thing as a 'fair share' of mercy. I am still thinking about this from a selfish, human perspective. Fairness would give none, but God gives limitlessly. Amazing!
What that means is that God is willing to give mercy, to give grace, to give love without limit or measure. We are the only ones who push in the plug at times to limit how much we can get, so to speak. How do I do that, I wondered. How do I limit the amount of mercy God can show me, or the amount of love? I am reminded of verses from the Word like Matthew 7:1-2 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you" or Matthew 5:7 "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy" or James 2:13 "Judgment will be merciless to him who shows no mercy, mercy triumphs over judgment".
It seems that I can limit God's mercy to me by withholding it from others. I am convicted by this. At times I am a harsh critic of others. I can see the 'faults' and sins in other people and I find myself judging them. What am I thinking? How could I dare to criticize anyone after the mistakes I make? I remind myself of the servant in one of Jesus' parables who was forgiven a huge debt of money. He turned immediately around and threw a friend into prison because he couldn't pay back a tiny sum owed to the first man. What arrogance! What idiocy! Who am I, I ask myself. I must seek a heart free of judging and attempt to learn the law of mercy. Blessed are the merciful...
In Truth,
Stephen
What that means is that God is willing to give mercy, to give grace, to give love without limit or measure. We are the only ones who push in the plug at times to limit how much we can get, so to speak. How do I do that, I wondered. How do I limit the amount of mercy God can show me, or the amount of love? I am reminded of verses from the Word like Matthew 7:1-2 "Do not judge, or you too will be judged. 2For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you" or Matthew 5:7 "Blessed are the merciful, for they will be shown mercy" or James 2:13 "Judgment will be merciless to him who shows no mercy, mercy triumphs over judgment".
It seems that I can limit God's mercy to me by withholding it from others. I am convicted by this. At times I am a harsh critic of others. I can see the 'faults' and sins in other people and I find myself judging them. What am I thinking? How could I dare to criticize anyone after the mistakes I make? I remind myself of the servant in one of Jesus' parables who was forgiven a huge debt of money. He turned immediately around and threw a friend into prison because he couldn't pay back a tiny sum owed to the first man. What arrogance! What idiocy! Who am I, I ask myself. I must seek a heart free of judging and attempt to learn the law of mercy. Blessed are the merciful...
In Truth,
Stephen
Monday, June 22, 2009
Which mirror won't lie?
I got to thinking the other day…that is usually a mistake! :) Fortunately, this time it seemed to be helpful. Here is what has been occurring to me. It seems that each generation has its crisis point issue. It is the challenge of the times that must be met and defeated. Not to say there can’t be more than one tough issue, or that they must be spaced out exactly by the generation, but there are defining struggles throughout the years that shape the collective minds of the youth of the day. In the earlier years of our nation, I believe national identity was a crisis point for everybody. Who would we be as a nation, our values and structure, all those important details.
Somewhere after the Civil War, our identity became more of a foregone assumption and we began to struggle with placing that identity in the larger world picture. Not that this didn’t happen at all before, but it was in the 20th century that the U.S. became a large player on a world scale. The new struggle here was national self esteem. How do our identities and values measure up to the standards of the other world powers? We proved to the world throughout the early 20th century and beyond that we were a force to be reckoned with; thereby validating ourselves as worthy of respect on a national scale.
In the latter half of the 20th century it seems that the issue became less about national issues and shifted to personal ones. I don’t mean to say that individuals didn’t matter before, but the changing times of the 60s and 70s led many to rethink personal identity in light of new ideas and beliefs. This was for most folks my age, our parent’s generation. Their crisis point was personal or self-identity. Ours is different. I believe it is self esteem.
There are many reasons for this, though I don’t have time to go into them too much. I believe that for many the breakdown of the family has been the main factor. Many young people in this modern society, myself included, grew up in less than perfect homes. Without good relationships with both their parents children often grow up wondering if they are valuable. I believe we are experiencing the results of a parenting crisis in these days. I have felt the question that all of us are asking, I have asked it myself. Am I valuable? Do people like me? We need to know that we are loved and appreciated.
So, we seek affirmation from those around us. Sometimes it is through a romantic relationship, or a mentor, teacher or friend. Sometimes it is through acting out in desperation for attention or joining gangs or other groups with bad influences. We often trade our souls to our peers in order to obtain the recognition and validation we so desperately crave, forgetting that they have nothing for us. They are just as desperately seeking the same thing. Here is how I see this type of quest for value:
Person A feels that he is not valuable. He has “low self esteem”. Person A somehow decides consciously or more often unconsciously that if he can ‘fit-in’ with group X that he will feel better. A sets out to impress the members of X, evaluating his own self-worth based on his perception of how group X views him. He is creating an identity for himself based on his perception of others’ perception of him! I don’t see this as a good situation at all, yet many of us caught in this trap without even realizing it. Group X could easily be replaced with, say parent B or girlfriend C, or anybody else and the same could still apply. We enslave ourselves to others impressions of us, performing our lives on a stage to impress and please people who don’t hold the answer to the question we ask. I believe there is a better way.
My eyes were opened to this a few years ago as God began to teach me how He saw me. He told me that He loved me. He had died for me after all :) God enabled me to begin shifting my self-image from resting on my perceptions of what others thought about me to the place where I could place it squarely upon Him. He is my creator, he made me for the role I fill in life. It makes sense after all that His opinion should be the one that matters, not the views of parents, friends, or any other well-meaning but fallible individuals. Not that they were no longer important. I still am glad to be a part of community and I value my relationships with all the above-mentioned people. I am simply not depending on their opinion of me for validation of my self-image.
I still have so much to learn in this area and I feel that I know the next step. It is better to forget about myself altogether, in simple humility thinking only of God and others. Not that I debase myself, but simply that my focus and energies are so absorbed in serving Jesus that I am unaware of my own “self-image”. Well, folks, I am nowhere near there. That is my goal but I am still working on this first step of understanding myself through God’s perspective. What I do know is that He made each person in this world for a specific reason, and He died to reestablish a personal relationship with each of us. Our true identities can ONLY be found in Him, not in anything else. All other roads lead to emptiness, false selves, and play-acting at life. Those who wish to be truly genuine and comfortable in who they are when the show is over will seek their identity and value in the one place it can be met and filled once and for all: In the person of Jesus Christ. He is the link our generation is looking for, he can connect us to both who we truly are and a proper understanding of how that innermost self is truly loved by God in spite of the imperfections.
In Truth,
Stephen
Somewhere after the Civil War, our identity became more of a foregone assumption and we began to struggle with placing that identity in the larger world picture. Not that this didn’t happen at all before, but it was in the 20th century that the U.S. became a large player on a world scale. The new struggle here was national self esteem. How do our identities and values measure up to the standards of the other world powers? We proved to the world throughout the early 20th century and beyond that we were a force to be reckoned with; thereby validating ourselves as worthy of respect on a national scale.
In the latter half of the 20th century it seems that the issue became less about national issues and shifted to personal ones. I don’t mean to say that individuals didn’t matter before, but the changing times of the 60s and 70s led many to rethink personal identity in light of new ideas and beliefs. This was for most folks my age, our parent’s generation. Their crisis point was personal or self-identity. Ours is different. I believe it is self esteem.
There are many reasons for this, though I don’t have time to go into them too much. I believe that for many the breakdown of the family has been the main factor. Many young people in this modern society, myself included, grew up in less than perfect homes. Without good relationships with both their parents children often grow up wondering if they are valuable. I believe we are experiencing the results of a parenting crisis in these days. I have felt the question that all of us are asking, I have asked it myself. Am I valuable? Do people like me? We need to know that we are loved and appreciated.
So, we seek affirmation from those around us. Sometimes it is through a romantic relationship, or a mentor, teacher or friend. Sometimes it is through acting out in desperation for attention or joining gangs or other groups with bad influences. We often trade our souls to our peers in order to obtain the recognition and validation we so desperately crave, forgetting that they have nothing for us. They are just as desperately seeking the same thing. Here is how I see this type of quest for value:
Person A feels that he is not valuable. He has “low self esteem”. Person A somehow decides consciously or more often unconsciously that if he can ‘fit-in’ with group X that he will feel better. A sets out to impress the members of X, evaluating his own self-worth based on his perception of how group X views him. He is creating an identity for himself based on his perception of others’ perception of him! I don’t see this as a good situation at all, yet many of us caught in this trap without even realizing it. Group X could easily be replaced with, say parent B or girlfriend C, or anybody else and the same could still apply. We enslave ourselves to others impressions of us, performing our lives on a stage to impress and please people who don’t hold the answer to the question we ask. I believe there is a better way.
My eyes were opened to this a few years ago as God began to teach me how He saw me. He told me that He loved me. He had died for me after all :) God enabled me to begin shifting my self-image from resting on my perceptions of what others thought about me to the place where I could place it squarely upon Him. He is my creator, he made me for the role I fill in life. It makes sense after all that His opinion should be the one that matters, not the views of parents, friends, or any other well-meaning but fallible individuals. Not that they were no longer important. I still am glad to be a part of community and I value my relationships with all the above-mentioned people. I am simply not depending on their opinion of me for validation of my self-image.
I still have so much to learn in this area and I feel that I know the next step. It is better to forget about myself altogether, in simple humility thinking only of God and others. Not that I debase myself, but simply that my focus and energies are so absorbed in serving Jesus that I am unaware of my own “self-image”. Well, folks, I am nowhere near there. That is my goal but I am still working on this first step of understanding myself through God’s perspective. What I do know is that He made each person in this world for a specific reason, and He died to reestablish a personal relationship with each of us. Our true identities can ONLY be found in Him, not in anything else. All other roads lead to emptiness, false selves, and play-acting at life. Those who wish to be truly genuine and comfortable in who they are when the show is over will seek their identity and value in the one place it can be met and filled once and for all: In the person of Jesus Christ. He is the link our generation is looking for, he can connect us to both who we truly are and a proper understanding of how that innermost self is truly loved by God in spite of the imperfections.
In Truth,
Stephen
Saturday, May 23, 2009
A day on two wheels
I rode 100 miles on my Bicycle today. If you have ever done so yourself you probably understand what that entails and what I am feeling right now. However, for the majority who have not had the privilege of such an experience, let me tell you how it went down...
6:15 AM. Out of bed, slowly. 3 and 3/4 hours is not enough sleep for one night...
8:10 AM. Arrive in Georgetown where the Horsey Hundred ride started. Realized I left my tire pump at home. Borrowing one, I prepare to start. A hundred or so of the day's 2000-ish riders mill around the starting point as I arrive to look for my friend Steve who is meeting me there. I find him by spotting his bright orange tube socks...Don't ask. Well, ok, since you insist on knowing why he was wearing bright orange tube socks on a bicycle ride-he was using them, along with a T-shirt to promote the fundraiser he was helping with.
8:30 AM. We start riding, He on his Orange Trek with aero bars and me on my gray Independent Fabrications Club Racer with my pannier rack bag full of energy food and repair tools-just in case.
9:05 AM. About 10 miles into the ride I strike up a conversation with Katrina, a girl from Dayton, Ohio who has driven down each of the last 5 years to do this ride. She is a fast, competitive rider and is a little frustrated with her friend she brought with her...her friend is not fast. :(
9:20 AM. Steve and I tag in with a group of about 15 riders who are riding together. Riding together like this allows us to go faster, as leaders of the pack can rotate, permitting those in the rear the benefit of riding in their wake, so to speak. This is called drafting, it is easier to ride behind another rider-there is less wind resistance. We ride with this group for about 15 miles.
9:46 AM. I meet Keith, a ride leader for the Bluegrass Cycling Club. He is a mustachioed, muscular character who organizes 2-3 rides per week with the club. He was wise enough to wear a cloth skullcap under his helmet. I would later wish for one myself as sweat drizzled down into my eyes from under my own protective covering.
10:15 AM. Steve and I leave rest stop #2 ahead of the group thinking they will catch up to us soon. They never really do, leaving us riding more on our own from about mile 38 on. I guess that means we were going fast though, right?
11:02 AM. The hills begin. The ride was fairly flat up to this point, but NO MORE! Now hill after hill roll under our tires like waves. Unfortunately, it did not feel as effortless as waves always appear. We had to work for our hills, climb by climb, one pedal stroke at a time--much to the chagrin of my buddy Steve :)
11:24 AM. Leaving the last pre-lunch rest stop at mile point 46 we see Keith and his group entering the rest area as we leave. Slowpokes! :)
Also at this rest stop I noticed a very impressive individual. A man of approximately 55 years with a prosthetic leg, riding his bike...fast! I stand in amazement of his fortitude.
12:09 PM. Mile 55. After passing the Lexington airport, we ride on Man O War to arrive at Keeneland, our lunch stop. I eat my Peanut Butter sandwiches while admiring the 500+ beautiful, two wheeled machines lined up against the fences and under the trees. After about 15 minutes to eat we roll on. Too much of a break would make our muscles sore and stiff. Er..sorer and stiffer.
12:36 PM. Our muscles tell us to go back to lunch again.
1:07 PM. At mile 68 Steve begins to wish he had taken the mile point 65 turn off which would have allowed him to finish the ride at 73 miles instead of 102...
We are both feeling each of the 68 miles in our legs, backs, necks...all over really :)
1:49 PM. Steve and I have been talking of teaching, school, triathlons, basketball and many other things, getting to know one another better. We only met 6 days ago actually, through a mutual cycling friend.
2:15 PM. Steve is tiring and tells me I should go on ahead. He has many other cyclists passing and riding near to keep him company. We are at mile point 73 more or less.
2:30 PM. At mile 76 I finally follow Steve's advice, planning to wait for him at the rest stop at mile 81. Upon arrival, I am exhausted. I pushed myself hard those 5 miles and it was pretty hilly. I fill water bottles and wait in the shade for Steve.
2:40 PM. Afraid Steve may have passed by the rest stop, I decide to head on the the finish point to meet him.
2:45 PM. I hurt.
2:46 PM. I hurt BAD! Not only that I can't seem to ride very quickly...what is the deal? It's like I have already ridden 80 miles or something.
3:15 PM. At mile 89 it begins to rain. I welcome this for the cool wetness :) You know how rain is. It felt great!
3:17 PM. My socks and shoes are soaked.
3:18 PM. I realize the rain has frozen up my cyclecomputer...it stops recording my mileage. Sad day. I must now motivate myself by something besides the numbers on the screen...no more average speed, current speed, nothing. Just zeros :(
3:27 PM. I use other riders as my motivation. I see one ahead in a yellow jersey, I must catch up! There is another beyond now, in orange. They become my new goal. I am plagued by a group of four guys behind me too, I must not let them catch up :)
I pedal on, unsure how fast I am going. I think I am going slowly...
3:50 PM. I know I must be nearing the end as I pass and am passed (more of the latter) other riders in the final miles. That one pesky guy in the white jersey, I have been completely unable to catch him, he is too fast!
3:55 PM. Finally I enter town again, back in Georgetown at last! I follow the riders ahead to the ending point at the college campus. I find myself at my car, lying in the back seat. I am sweaty, covered in gross old sunscreen, and dead beat tired. I want a shower.
4:00 PM. I reconnect with Steve, who it turns out was only a couple minutes behind me since the rest stop at mile 81. I meet his friends who did the 50 mile ride decked out in their own orange tube socks.
I am too tired to look at the vendor booths selling cycling gear and food, I am too tired to talk intelligently with Steve and his friends. I do not want any of the whole barbecued pig that is available for riders. I want to go home.
I do so.
One day, one hundred miles, two wheels. Fun? You bet!
Results:
Sunburn, 5% of my body
Sore Muscles, 68% of them
Tired, 90% of me
Stronger than before the ride? Yes
Thinking other people should try this at home? Definitely (after proper training)
Looking forward to next time? Expectantly!
Going to bed now? As soon as possible!
In Truth,
Stephen
6:15 AM. Out of bed, slowly. 3 and 3/4 hours is not enough sleep for one night...
8:10 AM. Arrive in Georgetown where the Horsey Hundred ride started. Realized I left my tire pump at home. Borrowing one, I prepare to start. A hundred or so of the day's 2000-ish riders mill around the starting point as I arrive to look for my friend Steve who is meeting me there. I find him by spotting his bright orange tube socks...Don't ask. Well, ok, since you insist on knowing why he was wearing bright orange tube socks on a bicycle ride-he was using them, along with a T-shirt to promote the fundraiser he was helping with.
8:30 AM. We start riding, He on his Orange Trek with aero bars and me on my gray Independent Fabrications Club Racer with my pannier rack bag full of energy food and repair tools-just in case.
9:05 AM. About 10 miles into the ride I strike up a conversation with Katrina, a girl from Dayton, Ohio who has driven down each of the last 5 years to do this ride. She is a fast, competitive rider and is a little frustrated with her friend she brought with her...her friend is not fast. :(
9:20 AM. Steve and I tag in with a group of about 15 riders who are riding together. Riding together like this allows us to go faster, as leaders of the pack can rotate, permitting those in the rear the benefit of riding in their wake, so to speak. This is called drafting, it is easier to ride behind another rider-there is less wind resistance. We ride with this group for about 15 miles.
9:46 AM. I meet Keith, a ride leader for the Bluegrass Cycling Club. He is a mustachioed, muscular character who organizes 2-3 rides per week with the club. He was wise enough to wear a cloth skullcap under his helmet. I would later wish for one myself as sweat drizzled down into my eyes from under my own protective covering.
10:15 AM. Steve and I leave rest stop #2 ahead of the group thinking they will catch up to us soon. They never really do, leaving us riding more on our own from about mile 38 on. I guess that means we were going fast though, right?
11:02 AM. The hills begin. The ride was fairly flat up to this point, but NO MORE! Now hill after hill roll under our tires like waves. Unfortunately, it did not feel as effortless as waves always appear. We had to work for our hills, climb by climb, one pedal stroke at a time--much to the chagrin of my buddy Steve :)
11:24 AM. Leaving the last pre-lunch rest stop at mile point 46 we see Keith and his group entering the rest area as we leave. Slowpokes! :)
Also at this rest stop I noticed a very impressive individual. A man of approximately 55 years with a prosthetic leg, riding his bike...fast! I stand in amazement of his fortitude.
12:09 PM. Mile 55. After passing the Lexington airport, we ride on Man O War to arrive at Keeneland, our lunch stop. I eat my Peanut Butter sandwiches while admiring the 500+ beautiful, two wheeled machines lined up against the fences and under the trees. After about 15 minutes to eat we roll on. Too much of a break would make our muscles sore and stiff. Er..sorer and stiffer.
12:36 PM. Our muscles tell us to go back to lunch again.
1:07 PM. At mile 68 Steve begins to wish he had taken the mile point 65 turn off which would have allowed him to finish the ride at 73 miles instead of 102...
We are both feeling each of the 68 miles in our legs, backs, necks...all over really :)
1:49 PM. Steve and I have been talking of teaching, school, triathlons, basketball and many other things, getting to know one another better. We only met 6 days ago actually, through a mutual cycling friend.
2:15 PM. Steve is tiring and tells me I should go on ahead. He has many other cyclists passing and riding near to keep him company. We are at mile point 73 more or less.
2:30 PM. At mile 76 I finally follow Steve's advice, planning to wait for him at the rest stop at mile 81. Upon arrival, I am exhausted. I pushed myself hard those 5 miles and it was pretty hilly. I fill water bottles and wait in the shade for Steve.
2:40 PM. Afraid Steve may have passed by the rest stop, I decide to head on the the finish point to meet him.
2:45 PM. I hurt.
2:46 PM. I hurt BAD! Not only that I can't seem to ride very quickly...what is the deal? It's like I have already ridden 80 miles or something.
3:15 PM. At mile 89 it begins to rain. I welcome this for the cool wetness :) You know how rain is. It felt great!
3:17 PM. My socks and shoes are soaked.
3:18 PM. I realize the rain has frozen up my cyclecomputer...it stops recording my mileage. Sad day. I must now motivate myself by something besides the numbers on the screen...no more average speed, current speed, nothing. Just zeros :(
3:27 PM. I use other riders as my motivation. I see one ahead in a yellow jersey, I must catch up! There is another beyond now, in orange. They become my new goal. I am plagued by a group of four guys behind me too, I must not let them catch up :)
I pedal on, unsure how fast I am going. I think I am going slowly...
3:50 PM. I know I must be nearing the end as I pass and am passed (more of the latter) other riders in the final miles. That one pesky guy in the white jersey, I have been completely unable to catch him, he is too fast!
3:55 PM. Finally I enter town again, back in Georgetown at last! I follow the riders ahead to the ending point at the college campus. I find myself at my car, lying in the back seat. I am sweaty, covered in gross old sunscreen, and dead beat tired. I want a shower.
4:00 PM. I reconnect with Steve, who it turns out was only a couple minutes behind me since the rest stop at mile 81. I meet his friends who did the 50 mile ride decked out in their own orange tube socks.
I am too tired to look at the vendor booths selling cycling gear and food, I am too tired to talk intelligently with Steve and his friends. I do not want any of the whole barbecued pig that is available for riders. I want to go home.
I do so.
One day, one hundred miles, two wheels. Fun? You bet!
Results:
Sunburn, 5% of my body
Sore Muscles, 68% of them
Tired, 90% of me
Stronger than before the ride? Yes
Thinking other people should try this at home? Definitely (after proper training)
Looking forward to next time? Expectantly!
Going to bed now? As soon as possible!
In Truth,
Stephen
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